Summer

Oh man I am so excited for summer!  It brings back memories of being a kid and not having to go to school.  What summer means to me:
No school
Sleeping in
Watching Matlock
Swimming
Tanning oil
Laying out
Midnight trips to Taco Bell or Wendy's
Roman Noodles
Macaroni and cheese
Bar-B-Ques
4th of July
Family Picnics and get-togethe's at the park
Staying up late
Otter Pops
NO homework!

I am excited to start a new list with my own family.   What summer NOW means to me:
Swimming lessons
Summer sports
Summer reading program
Popsicles
Popsicle stains
Playing legos
Garage sales
Summer dresses
Summer haircuts
Bike rides
Local splash pads
Sunscreen
Tan lines
Picnics with friends
Dirty bath water
Caleb's B-day party!

I am in love with summer so far.  I can't wait to go swimming and have a break while the kids are passed out from the chlorine in the pool.  ;0)  I always loved that after swimming, eating roman noodles or a hot dog and then falling asleep to a movie.  Those were the best summer days as a kid.  I want to give that to my kids...I need to find a recipe for homemade organic roman noodles.  wink

My mind is full of all these reasons why I love being a mother, so I'm going to go without he flow and write them all down, maybe I'll need to look back on this soon.

Why I love being a mother:

Listening to the Chipmunks sing sun oldies rock songs, like "Livin on a Prayer", watching cartoons, seeing my children play together, working together and pretending together.  Kids music groups like The Terrible Two's(Highly recommend to all parents of small children) Seeing my children dance around the front room, saying "Mom look at my cool moves!", I love when my kids want me to watch them.  I love being asks things like, "mom wanna smell my breath?"  Or "is he poppy?  Can I see?"
I love sitting around the table at dinner and laughing about the silly faces we can make, or watching the kids try to cross their eyes.  It's so fun having young children and a lot of them.  No matter how many pregnancies or babies or toddlers I have it is always new and fun.  I love to feel this baby move and as my belly gets bigger it just gets to be more fun.  No matter how many babies I have I still love that first time they smile.  No matter how many kids I have that have learned to walk it is still so exciting for that first step.  No matter how many toddlers I have I love to hear their first word, and to see their little brains working and sputtering out their own little language.  I love seeing Calvy learn in school, so get excited about learning math and writing...it's getting better by the way.  I love to see how different each of my children are, they have such unique personalities and are so special.  I love seeing how girly Ellie is and see her training to be a mommy.  The other day she pulled her shirt down and stuck her baby up to her chest and put a blanket over her self and said, "I'm practicing to be a mommy".  Love it, I love that she wants to be a mommy.

It's hard as a mother, you hope that you are teaching your children all they need to know for then to grow up to be good citizens and parents, and to make good choices.  I want them to follow Christ and grow-up and get married in the Temple and have big families that they love.  I want their experience as children to motivate them to do good and want to have a family like they had while growing up.  I would really like it is they said, "I want to be just like my Mom/Dad" vs. "I will not be like my Mom/Dad".

I was talking to a friend the other day and she said that she and her family are really close.  I asked her how her mom did that, how she made it to where they actually liked each other.  She said "I really believe that a family who plays together stays together"  She told me they would play and play hard together as a family, rock-climbing, repelling, hiking, skiing...etc.  She said that if they had a choice between playing with friends or siblings they would always choose siblings, because they always had so much fun together.  They had a lot of land growing up so they would just go outside and explore all day.  I don't remember who I heard this from but in their family if they were hungry they would go in and make a sandwich and if someone needed help making theirs they would help them, if someone needed help zipping up a their jacket, they would help them.

I love those simple acts of service and independence that teach our children to serve themselves and each other, and love it.  I know that by teaching them to serve one another that it will help them to love one another.  I love when my kids make their own lunches.  I thought at first it was me being lazy, but I realize that me doing EVERYTHING for my children doesn't always show them how much I love them, or if I don't do everything for them it doesn't mean I don't love them.  I am excited to see their independence.  I like to see what they will pick out for the days outfit or at project.  It's fun to see what interests them.

I am grateful to be a mother, I truly do feel so much happiness and rejoice on my family.  I am grateful to be a parent....which doesn't mean it isn't extremely difficult.  Days are still filled with poop and pee, which sometimes end up on the floor, puke and screaming and fevers and crying and hitting and dirty laundry and dishes and all the other things that come with the territory.   BUT  I do find the joy in it, maybe not everyday, but I try.

It's hard, but today I am grateful.  Here's to a summer filled with otter pops and sunscreen!

Happy summer everyone!

Caleb after an encounter with Oil of Oregano....poor kid.

Old pic of Alan graduating.  YAY!

Alan's goofy hair ad his goofy friend.

the missionaries in Chicago gave these to us as a going away present.  So sweet!  

 The story behind it...We had them over for dinner one night and didn't have anything for dessert so I grabbed out a box of walmart granola bars.  As I opened the box I laughed...and so did everyone else.  So that morning I decided we needed to get out of the house, so before we ate breakfast we headed to Walmart, and or course we were all starving, so I grabbed a few boxes of granola bars and we ate those until we were full, we ate almost the entire bulk box.  So when I opened the box for the missionaries there were all of the wrappers from our breakfast that morning.  It was pretty hilarious to them, they really got a kick out of it.  So when we found this on our doorstep it was really fun.  Sweet boys!

Double breasted suit coat...pictionary.

Eating our gift from our amazing Chiropractor and boss and fam when we just moved in "To Dr. Barnes and fam: Welcome to the neighborhood" , SO delicious and so mince!  I wouldn't mind getting one of these everyday.

Ellie had some growing pains, this is after I massaged them, just like my Daddy did for me when I was young.

Cute little Curly Sue. Brings back memories of when I was a kid an my Mom would  put my hair in curlers.

A gift left on our doorstep from the our new elders in our new ward here.  Yes, that is a giant reese's egg!  My favorite!  I think I gained ten pounds and killed my immune system a little with all of this....I didn't actually eat it all, but I came close.

When I first started to look pregnant...not just chubby.

Fun crafty for a friends new baby girl.

matching lovey

Awesome Nacho Libre boots for a kid at Goodwill!

Caleb's broken leg.

Showing a little more.

Laying out soaking up some glorious sun!  So fun to see the bump while on my back.  Love it!

Wonferdul foot rub with my mother's day lotion gift.  Sweet kiddos!

Beautiful flowers from my garden.  I LOVE fresh flowers!!!!!!!

A sweet love note from my thoughtful husband! (the 911 is for the kids)

Crafty day with the Circuit.

A fun day at the beach with our little blonde surfer boy.

Kids getting covered in sand!

Getting BIGGER!

My new business cards...hoping to make a little extra money.

New summer haircuts!

My attempt at a T-shirt dress.  Clue to all....read instructions.  I have never been much of an instruction reader, but I think this would have turned out better if I had.  

summer camping trip...in our backyard.

It was NOT the same as camping out in the wild, but it was fun to wake up outside.  My favorite part of camping.  No gas stove, so we plugged in our skillet and made eggs outside.

Ellie in Mommy and Daddy's tent.

Caleb climbing out of the kids tent.

Playroom on the first day of summer...today.

Look at those freckles!

Cute chocolate on his face...I did not give him a chocolate chip cookie before breakfast...I swear. wink

Summer hats and dresses are the best.

Journals have a purpose

This morning while looking at a picture of the Disney Princesses...
C: What?!  Ariel should be in the middle, not Rapunzel.  She turns into a mermaid and a human, that's so cool.
E: Yah!
M:  Well Rapunzel has magic hair, that's pretty cool.
C:  Oh Yah!

We are still trying to get the hang of school again.  I am uh really trying to be patient, and it's really not working.  I seem to yell a lot, when before I had really gotten away from it, I was the sweet mommy and my kids loved me.  Now all I hear is how mean I am and, "you are not a nice Mommy!".  I pretty much hate it.  ;0)  Really though, I don't like yelling at my babies, they are so sweet and innocent...most of the time.  I'm just pretty tired all the time and ready for naps and bed time.  Alan works a LOT right now, well he is sure gone a lot.  He is gone most nights and leaves early in the morning.  It's hard to find good help these days, it's pretty much all on me.  I keep my house nice and clean, my floors swept and mopped and dishes and sundry done, but that's about it.  Sometimes I just want to let it all go and just be with the kids, but honestly I enjoy cleaning more.  Sad I know, why am I even admitting this???

I was looking back at some old journal entries the other night and almost every single one said..."I am a bad mother", in so many words.  I talked about how I wanted to be better, how I wanted to give my kids so much more.  I couldn't believe how many entries were about me being such a horrible mom.  It was like the bee on "Bee Movie" when he is trying to get out of the window but kept hitting the glass, he didn't change anything he just kept trying the same 'ol thing saying, "maybe this time, this time, this time this time."  I was spinning my wheels, I had nothing to build upon, I was always in the negative.  I thought about my kids and the things we do each day...Monday is jammy day we stay home all day and do nothing but play and clean and wear our jambes...Tuesday is food day we get our groceries...Wednesday is Library day, we go to story time and hang out for a few hours, then to the park for a picnic lunch...Thursday is another free day we get to choose what we want to do.  Today we did school, then watched a show, napped, road bikes and cut hair...Friday is workout day, we go down to the church and work out for an hour or so with other mom's and kids.  and thought, if I am such bad Mom then why do my children tell me they love me, or why do they seem so happy...most of the day?  Most of the time my kids go to bed tired, full and happy, so why am I such a bad mommy?  Truth...I'm not.

I decided after reading that hogwash that I would never go to bed thinking about all the "horrible" things I did that day, I would focus only on the good.  That night writing down all the good things I had done with the children and as a wife and Keara, making sure Alan had clean socks, kissing my children and telling them I loved them, making countless meals, and reading my scriptures and trying to be the best me, I felt so much better.  I felt like the next day I could do even better because I was going to be adding to all the good I had already done the day before, not trying to make up for all the bad I had done.  I felt like I was walking up to the top of a mountain, not trying to climb out of a hole.

So even though I yelled at my kids today for yelling at each other(I know), or the times that I chose not to be the sweet mommy and play with them, I will focus on the good, our bike ride, our fun craft and teaching them.  It's tough being a Mom and house keeper and trying to find the right balance between the two, and also find time to just be Keara.  I know that when I make the time and get my booty out of bed for scriptures and a little exercise I feel better, because I have help, I don't have to do it on my own.  I can enlist the powers of Heaven if I just ask.  I am grateful for many blessings and pray that I can become the mother that my children will always remember as a sweet Mother who always did all she could to show her love for them.  Tomorrow will be an even better day than today, I will make a conscience effort to tell my children how much I love them, and give them the special Mommy time they need.  I am a good Mommy and I try.  I am a good Mommy.

My breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.  Notice hoe the fruit spells out "MOM"  So cute husband.  He also made me some "All access Alan passes"  There are 3 of them, one for movie night, with hair play, girls night, and backrub.  Very awesome.

-Keara

Attitude of Gratitude

Well, life is never supposed to be easy, but it is worth it.  I have never believed this so much as I do now.  Graduating college is a little different than I had imagined.  I remember telling Alan when we were in school, "when this is all over and we graduate, you are buying me a big fat diamond ring and we are going on a cruise"  Well, we have not been shopping at any jewelry stores and we have no plans to be going anywhere but here.  Life is not the way I though it would be, money is a little tighter...a lot tighter.  BUT and this is a big BUT we are so blessed.  Life has brought us to so many different junctions where we have had to make many different choices.  I don't think we have ever had to rely on the Spirit so much.  I will not pretend that it has not been scary, but we do have faith and a testimony of our Father in Heaven and His awareness of us and our goals.  We feel incredibly blessed to be living here, it is a wonderful place, we have wonderful friends and a beautiful home.  It has been a humbling experience not being able to make my ohm look the way I want it to, not being able to paint or buy fabric...or whatever.  It was really hard for me at first, and frustrating, but I realized how ungrateful I was being by feeling sorrow for myself that I didn't have an awe inspiring home.  I had forgotten the many people who have helped us, the anonymous gift cards we received through the mail, the money we have gotten from family who just want to help, without even being asked.  It has been such a great blessing, we have amazing family who are led by the Spirit and are willing to run God's errands.  Alan has an amazing job with an amazing Doctor who loves to help people get better, and succeeds in it.  We feel so blessed to be working with him and being able to be close to his lovely family, they are such kind and giving people, I am grateful to call them our friends.  We are truly grateful for everything we have.  I love my home now, I love cleaning it and making it the best that I can with what I have.  I am excited for the changes that are happening, I love seeing things fall into place, even just in our home, that we are feeling more settled.  I am anxious to be able to sit and focus on writing again.  Life always seems to be going so fast that I feel like I am always catching up, and my writing keeps getting left behind.  I love the idea of having another baby in the house, I can't wait to have this little bundle, all of us are anxious for the big day.  I am finally starting to show and resemble a pregnant lady, not just a chubby one.  ;0)  I am struggling with this a little, I do not mind looking pregnant, but looking chunky is not fun to me.  I am someone who often  compares one self to others, and I often compare myself to my cute skinny little sister, and often wonder what my family would think of my ever growing figure, if they would judge or love me less.  BUT I am learning and growing and starting to be ok with the fact that that is not me and it is okay, that I am allowed to weigh what I weigh and it doesn't make me ugly or any less of a wonderful person.  I know I am special and that I have talents that no one else has and my capacity to love is big, I just need to make sure that I fit into the category of, "to-be loved".  I am grateful for a wonderful husband who made Mother's Day so fantastic, he is such a wonderful husband who helps always and who put in a little extra effort to make Sunday the BEST day.  I love you Honey Bee, shnugar pie muffin cakes!  I am grateful for wonderful parents on both sides, who taught us how to love and be loved and how to make good choices and save money for a rainy day and to live life and be grateful.  I am thankful for what they taught us of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I have a testimony that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church, that we have a Prophet on the earth today, who is not just a Prophet to those who believe in him, but to the world.  I am grateful for the opportunity I have to pray and to rejoice in the Savior and the Plan of Salvation, and that we live in a place that...for now...we are able to worship as we please.  I know the Lord provides a way for us to be eternally happy, we just have to choose it.  I love my family, I love being able to stay at home and raise our children, to teach and train them and show them all the love I have.

C: What's a Christmas Wedgie?

M: I don't know.

C: I know what it is.

M:  Oh yah.

C:  It's when someone gives you, or you give yourself a wedgie on Christmas.

This is our family room, we call it the "front" room, but it is actually at the very back of the house...This is the room that bothers me the most, I want it to be this great room that everyone just wants to site down and never leave...working on it.

This is our guest bedroom which is located to the right of the "front" room.  My parents bought us this great bedset, I wouldn't mind staying in this room for a few days.

This is our dining area, we use our coffee table as an art table for the kids..love it.  Our amazing neighbors donated those two...uh...thingys behind the table, we love them, they are great storage and have a great old flare to them.

This is our little kitchen with our awesome stove.  I really didn't think I would like electric vs. gas, but our cookies come out PERFECT every time.  There is not much room for food....well if I didn't have so many dishes we would, but that's besides the point, we have our basement/closet food storage rack out in the open, everyone gets to see all the food we eat...not my favorite....but not that bad either.  

This is our wonderful backyard that we LOVE.  Kids are having a picnic lunch while I run around taking pictures. ;)

Other end of the yard.  Yah I could have cleaned up, but how real is that?

This is the children's playroom, we literally cleaned it 5 mins before...that is before Caleb arrived.  The bed is for jumping, that is our makeshift trampoline.  Once we got new beds for the older kids we didn't know where to put this one, the mattress isn't very good anymore so it is now a toy.

This is the boys tiny little room, but with a big playroom, who needs more room.  

This is the girls' room...no I do not know what I am having...hoping...

And this is my playroom...oh the joys, I have NEVER had a craft room, I always had to move my current craft project to and from the kitchen table for meals.  I am very grateful that I now get to just shut the door and know that there will not be any peanut butter left on it and it will still be there when I get back to it.  It is a dream, I love it.

This is the master suite.  Hehehe, well it's a suite to us.

I know I could have moved the basket...We love being able to look out the windows in the morning, waking up the birds chirping, it's marvelous to live in a neighborhood where we can leave our windows open all night.

This is the master bath.  I have NEVER had a master bathroom before, it is so fun!  I feel like I can shut myself off from the world and do my business, it's great to have solitude in a house full of children.

This is the hall bathroom, or the bathroom the kids use.  I am excited to make it a fun bathroom for them.

This is me...I ate a little too much for lunch ....just kidding I haven't eaten yet, I'm starving!

This is the walk up to our front door.  We are being taken over by ants, we have little mountains all over our yard and walkway...it's annoying.

This is our whole house.  We love our quiet neighborhood and count ourselves very blessed.

Thanks for reading everyone!  Have a wonderful day.
Watch this video for inspiration today, I want to be more like him.

-Keara

Easter

2 seconds ago....
C: Mom, do you want to hear a Spanish word?
M: Yes.
C: Ooplayanos
M: It's Cumpleanos.
C: Oh.  What does that mean?
M: It means compilation of years, like how many years old you are.
C: How many years old am I?
M: You're five years old.
C: No, I'm five and a quarter...is that bigger than five and a whole?
M: No, five and a whole would be six.
E: I'm three and a penny Mom.


This Easter was the best Easter I think I have ever had.  I think the only way it could have been better is if the whole family could have been there.  My oldest brother and his family were planning a trip and decided they would come stay with us over Easter weekend.  One thing led to another and it ended up being a small family reunion.  It was planned that my youngest sister would fly out to my little sisters' house on Thursday, then my bro would meet up without them that same day and stay the night and do a little sight seeing, then they would all drive over to our house Saturday and we'd spend Easter weekend together.  Well Friday afternoon I received the greatest surprise.  My mom had told me over the phone that we would get our Easter gift from them Thursday or Friday...well we got it Friday and it was the bomb diggity of all surprises, it was my Mom and Dad...in person!!!!!!!! I could not contain myself, it felt to good to see them.  I hadn't seen my Daddy in over a year, it was SO good to give him a big hug and see him look into my eyes like the loving father he is.  I always love the way he hugs me then pulls me back to look at my face, which usually lasts for a good 30 seconds.  It is good to be loved by my parents.  It was SO fun to show them around our new and awesome house, and then have them take us out for the best burger and fries ever, Five Guys Burgers, SO good.

Anyway, they surprised us and the only other person who was here that knew they were coming was Lyda, so it was fun to surprise everyone when they showed up Saturday.  That was a great day, the sun was shining, we had awesome company and played all day outside.  We ate good food and had good conversation and the best part was that it was all happening in our home.  We felt extremely blessed to have such a house where we could all gather together and play.  We had a movie and a fire outside each night complete with Peep s'mores.  All the cousins slept in the playroom and watched movies till they fell asleep.  We had a lot of people and a lot of fun.  There is something about having your house full and loud with so many of the ones you love and love you back.

We all got up early Sunday morning, after a late night of movie and Psych watching, and got to church on-time.  We enjoyed Sacrament meeting and the speakers and hearing about our Savior and His triumphant rising from the tomb.  I am so grateful to be able to celebrate such a beautiful day with my family.  We went home and made the McLaws version of Eggs Benedict, it's has become a tradition, and it was marvelous, our Mommy had outdone herself.  We had an egg hunt and family pictures and just enjoyed our wonderful time together.

The weekend lasted till Tuesday morning, I and others managed to convince my brother Jason to stay an extra day.  If I could have made the weekend last till the next, I would have.  It was such a great experience to see all of(well most of) my family who I hadn't seen in WAY too long.

Oh I wish we could relive that weekend again, it was so fun.  I find myself sitting and thinking about it, wishing we were reliving it, today.  Seeing what my house was like with all my family, I can't stand how quiet my house is now and how boring.  Monday night and Tuesday morning were a huge bummer.  It was depressing to wake up to empty rooms, the playroom was especially empty, especially to our sweet children who cried most of the morning because their cousin had slipped out in the night.  My heart broke for them thinking of how it must feel to wake up to an empty room, when only just the night before, a few hours ago, was full of friends, family, company.  Almost as if it were just a good dream, and you have now woken up only to realize it wasn't real.  The dreams you had when you were a kid and you had a Birthday party and got the coolest toys and you wake up to empty hands.   I am one that digs deep into the sorrow because I know that once I do that I can move on, something that I have passed onto our sweet Calvy.  Alan is one who doesn't dwell on sadness, he chooses to think of something else or to remember the fun we had.  We tried to make it fun, and the sadness went away, and we had a good day full of kids telling me how much they wish their cousins were still here.  Wednesday was an even harder day, the feelings are still so fresh I find myself tearing up as I type.  We woke up knowing we had to say good-bye to my Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa.  We had breakfast and got things together then said our long good-byes and waved as they drove away in their little white, environmentally friendly, rental car.  I had never been the one left behind after such a visit, I had always been the one leaving and having to worry about making a flight and not really having the time to be sad.  This go around I had plenty of time to be sad, I was at home in our now very empty feeling house.  I told my husband that I might need to take the children out for lunch or go buy a bunny to drowned my sorrows.  It ended up being a very cold gloomy day, so we stayed inside and watched movies and I cried a lot.  I wanted so badly to turn back time and relive Friday afternoon, where I was surprised and excited looking forward to how great our weekend would be, not sitting on my couch wondering how I could ever make life ever seem as fun.  It was a hard couple of days, but eventually I snapped out of it and life became normal....until today when I decided to write about it, now I just want to go out to lunch or buy a bunny.  Sometimes life gets a little mundane, but I do love my children and my little town, and our wonderful home and my sweet husband.  I look forward to the day that we can live near family again.  For now we are enjoying being out of school and into our new life.

Baby update, I am about 18 weeks and going strong.  I have my first appointment tomorrow and I'm pretty darn excited.  I look forward to planning this birth and figuring out how we are going to pay for it.  ;0)  Life is wonderful.  I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of my Savior, that He died for me  and suffered for my sins.  I am grateful for the blessing or promise of eternal life with my family.  What a glorious day to be reunited with the ones you love.  I am grateful for Easter and for the opportunity to focus on our Savior and His rising triumphant from the tomb that we might live again with Him, our families and Heavenly Father forever.

I hope you had an equally fabulous Easter weekend.

Poor guy, we had to wake him up from his nap to join in the egg hunting fun.

This girl really liked getting the hard to reach ones.

He found HIS egg, but was not too happy about where Daddy hid it.

Some were unreachable...the daddy's and Lyda hid the eggs.

We had a ridiculous amount of fun.

Egg hunt, it was a bit breezy and cold tat Easter Sunday.

I was giving my best model faces for my photo-shoot. wink

Cute grandkids after egg hunting.

checkin out their loot and posing for a pic.

Newest grand baby.  Super cutie!

We played a ton of frisbie.

-Keara