Merry Christmas from the Windy City

This Christmas has been the greatest Christmas I can remember since the Christmas I got a baby, a plastic blue chair and a dresser that "Santa" made in his workshop, just for me...which still sits in my bedroom and my nightstand.

This Christmas was going to be a humble one, moving to Chicago where rent is 3x's as much as in Iowa and our income is the same, will do that to you.  We were going to be happy though, Ellie was going to get an old baby that she had forgotten about and calvy was going to get a Pirate ship that had sat in our basement for 3 years and Caleb was going to get a ball.  Things were going to be small and quite humble, but very good, we were just happy to be in our beautiful home together.  BUT, the Lord had greater plans for us.

 Things had been stressful, Alan was working a lot and I was trying to organize/cram all of our belongings into our very tiny home with no storage, and Christmas was coming and I was beginning to feel sad that it wasn't feeling like Christmas.  With boxes all over and no pictures on the walls and kids asking to move back to our old house it was more just sad.  I was missing family and friends and the hustle and bustle of shopping and baking and just what I thought made Christmas, Christmas.

Alan walked into our bedroom about 6am and woke me up.  He said that when he went out to start his car  he found a box full of toys and a not that said,

 "To the Barnes Family:  We hope the children enjoy the toys.  Merry Christmas.  
-Santa's Helpers"


I didn't know what to think.  I suddenly felt so embarrassed that I had told someone in the ward that I was worried about Christmas, because "we didn't have any money" and they were getting old toys, just washed up like new.  I felt so guilty that we got those toys, when "we were fine", "we could take care of ourselves" and their were so many others that needed it more than us, after all we had food, we had money we had a warm home with nice furniture, why did we deserve this.  I was suddenly aware of all the times I had complained about not having any money and had told others my fears, and thought "is this what you wanted?"  "What were you thinking was going to happen?"  I could not go back to sleep after Alan left for work.  I just lay in bed mulling over everything that had just happened.  Someone had spent all that money on toys, new toys, still in packages, with receipts.  One of the first things Alan said to me was, "These are new toys, no like really new, they have receipts."  We have not bought a new toy in a very long time.  In the next few hours I went through all the emotions, fear, shame, overwhelmed, grateful, sad, sorry,  to just extreme gratitude for these people who saw a need and filled it.  We were set, we were in Seventh Heaven, we were going to be able to give our kids a great Christmas.  Then the night before Christmas Eve we got another knock at the door, the kids ran to the door, yelling "is it a caroler?!"  We opened the door to 2 large garbage bags filled with wrapped Christmas present for us and the children.  My heart wanted to explode.  I didn't know what to say or even feel, till the feeling of anticipation and excitement for Christmas day filled my heart to the brim, the breath caught in my throat and I just felt grateful.  It finally felt like Christmas.


 We decided that Christmas Eve would be a day filled with baking and singing and nothing but fun, and it was.  We baked all day long!  When we finally finished we headed out to carol to different families and hand out treats and Christmas cheer.  It was a great night, after hours of caroling, and everyone inviting us in afterward for a quick chat out of the cold, we headed home to our Tortilla soup simmering in the crock-pot.  We ate dinner, opened our jambes from Grandma and Grandpa, set cookies out for Santa and sent the kids to bed.  Alan and I stayed up to clean-up our baking and cooking mess, and then to set up all the cool toys our children would get from Santa and his helpers.  It was a very long day that didn't end until 3am Christmas morning, but it was one of the greatest.  

Making Ornaments.

Yes, I am crazy, for more than one reason.

Caleb being his cute grown-up self.

Ellie, our beautiful young lady."It's taking too long for me to be a mommy and chew gum."

Blowing raspberries on the floor, Caleb's favorite past time.

Cookies for Santa

Painting Oriments

Traditional Christmas Jammie Photo

Kitchen for Ellie and trucks for Caleb, Calvy got his hotwheels he'd been asking for.

I woke up 6am Christmas morning and could not go back to sleep, I was so excited for the kids to see their toys.  They FINALLY woke up at 8 and we enjoyed Skyping with family and playing with all the toys Santa left and we read Santa's note he left.  He thanked the children for the cookies and carrots, and told them about Christ and why he gave them presents and bore his testimony about the Savior and Him being the reason for the season.  Then we got to my favorite part, church on Christmas Day.  I think we should have church every Christmas Day, it was such a wonderful spirit, I didn't know how I should act, I knew whoever had left us those gifts would be there.  We were very anxious to get home too, to eat and open the other presents.  

This Christmas I learned that it is truly great to receive, to receive of the spirit and service and love.  We were able to be on the receiving end of so much love and service, and I know it is because of many things, I am sure it is in repayment for all the homeless people that have been served by my sweet and overly kind father, who had never hesitated to give  helping hand or show a little extra love.  I am sure it is repayment for all the service my extremely giving mother has preformed over the years all the sewing projects and cleaning and surprise gifts she has left on doorsteps just like mine.  I am sure it is from my Grandma Passey who taught us how to serve and love.  I am SURE it is the loving example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and his selfless love and sacrifice, for his perfect life of service and love.  May we all remember our Savior this year, may we remember to help another, to lift each other up.  May we make it our goal to live more Christlike this year.  


Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.


-Keara

Love from Above

smile, it's funny

So I have been busy being a mommy.  I have made a goal to work harder at being a mommy, not just birthing babies and feeding them and cleaning up after them and such, but really being a mommy to them.  That means, no more Facebook, no more blog surfing, Netflix(while kids are awake) and definitely no more Pinterest....for hours at a time.  I had been thinking about it for a while that I needed to simplify, de-gunk, if you will.  The first thought cam e to me as my children were asking e for things and I kept telling them to wait, because I was on FB searching pictures and checking to see what everyone else was doing. It came to me then that maybe it's time to make a break for it.  I deleted my Facebook account.  I was nervous at first, I mean how am I going to know what is going on?  How am I going to notify others of my recent goings on, or parties or fabulous photoshoots?  How will I advertise myself????  Then I talked to a friend and it came up in conversation that she was no longer on FB, that solidified it for me, all her reasons were the same as mine, for quitting.  So I did it.  Do I regret it?  No, no I don't.(Phineaus and Ferb pun....anyone, anyone?)  Surprisingly I do not miss it like I thought I would.  Sometimes when I go to check my email and I have ZERO emails it's a little sad, but I just do something else.  It has been a blessing, I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to do, being a mother, a nurturer.  I have noticed a difference in my children too.  We are happier, they feel like they can count on me.  We okay together and I listen more.  Listening is a big thing for me.  I am big on the "uh huh, ya.  Ok honey.  Just a minute"  Now I take a second, because that is all it usually takes, and I answer their question, or look at their picture or help them get the tape done from the counter.  It is liberating.  I am not saying that it has been easy, I do feel very tired at the end of the day, but a good tired, and tired where I know I have accomplished something that day.  I also want to point out that everyday hasn't been roses.  Alan has been gone since early Wednesday morning, I found out I have to have surgery on my toe again(which takes 4 to 7 weeks to heal), we are supposed to move in four weeks, we do not have a place to live and my house is no where ready to be packed and moved.  This all makes my anxiety shoot through the roof, which in turn gives me gas and frequent bathroom trips, so I don't have any friends that want to be near me....Just kidding, Thanks Becky for putting up with me and me bum all night. winkwink


So life is not always roses, it is still beautiful, even if it doesn't smell like roses.  (heheh, sorry)
Anyway!  I am grateful for this past weekend, Conference was AMZING!  I love Conference.  For all y'all who do not watch Saturday session, stop it!  Saturday sessions are my favorite, they always seem to be so amazing and speak to me directly.  And for all y'all who have no idea what I am talking about, go here.  It is amazing the love I feel from my Father in Heaven, I still wonder, "Why me?  Why do I count?"  but I wonder with a different wonder, the wonder that I am known and that I count.  That love that comes from above is becoming more real to me, almost tangible.  I can feel there is a purpose for me, that there is a plan and it is perfect and if I try my hardest I can reach that, seemingly unreachable goal to happiness, even eternal happiness.  There is a bigger  purpose behind all the poopy diapers, the late nights, the sickness, loneliness, the floors that never stay clean, laundry which is never done, husbands who can't remember to take out the trash, the sadness and hurt.  I struggle with the pain and hurt, health problems seem to be my challenge in this life.  It seems every time I turn around I have another issue to deal with, it's kid of a dark a dreary place for me when I fid out I have another issue needing to be tended to.  It took a good friend to help me realize, that though I keep getting sick, I do have a some very great times between the sickness.  I get a good break in there where I am truly happy, I feel God's love and I have plenty of energy!  Something I longed for, for some time and I am truly grateful for.  I am grateful for these trials, truly I am, some days I have to repeat that several times to remember, but they are a blessing.  I am able to rely on the Lord, I am able to sit back,  reflect and realign myself and my will with His.  It is a process, with ups and downs, sometimes so far down I need a little help back up, but that is what the Atonement is for.  I am truly grateful for the Gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have a testimony that it is true.  Life can be beautiful if we let it, if we don't get caught up in the day to day, the habits like TV and movies and internet.  If we sit back and look at where we spend most of our time, and it is not the Gospel or family, we may need to reassess our priorities.  Life can be amazing, but it is up to us, we have to make that decision.  


My kids have been saying the funniest things lately, and I have totally been that mom that thinks"that is so funny, that would be the perfect post...but where is a piece of paper, eh I'll remember"  Nope, never works.  Ellie likes to have her towel wrapped around her body "like a mommy" when she gets out of the tub.  She is a little obsessed with becoming a woman, which is scary to me because I  know I did these same things to my parents.  We went trick-or-treating at Alan's school and for her costume I put some make-up on her, mascara, blush lipgloss and such.  One of the people handing out candy asked if she could put her super hero mask on, as he was lowering it onto her eyes.  Her response, "No!  It will ruin my make-up."  She is very girly and can't wait to get "mommy boobies".  She pinched her pings(baby nipples) before getting out of the bath this morning...not sure why, maybe in hopes it will help them look bigger.  She likes the play the game, "I wanna be that girl"  while watching a movie or reading a story, it's usually the ones that have breasts.  Needless to say we will probably not own any Barbies, we'll stick with little people.  
Calvy, this boy is a regular smarty pants.  He is blowing through all the homeschool books, so far I have taught him nothing in math that he didn't already know.  He loves writing and math, but doesn't love reading, he always picks to do that last, but he is doing well.  He loves to play games, but I don't always love playing them with him, because that requires a whole lot of patience, because I have to teach him how to do it, and re-teach, it's very exhausting.  He is growing up, like wanting to dress in his closet and drawing scary pictures, but he still likes to tell me he loves me, and give me big mommy hugs.  I need to remind myself to soak it up, because it won't be long till he won't want to.  
Caleb our baby.  He is SO cute, I just want to eat him alive.  I just stopped nursing him, I think it is safe to say I quit, although sometimes I get a hankering for some good 'ol mommy Caleb time.  I just love nursing, it creates such a special bond and feeling of love.  I have just had too many things going on where I have to stop nursing for a few days because of MRI's and surgery and stuff, so we're done.  I am doing well, no engorgement or anything, though it would be nice. wink
He loves to dance and sing.  He is trying to talk and so far his first word is "nope"  while I am change his diaper usually.  He also says "what is that?"  Just like Calvy, it sounds different than Calvy, but he still says that same phrase.  
Children are beautiful, I am excited to have another...when the time is right.  


So friends, until next time.  Keep your spirits high and your aspirations higher.  Life is good.

-Keara

Why me? Why do I count?

It was my Birthday this week!!!!!!! I am officially in my late 20's and it's fabulous!

I have been asking myself this question for a long time. I don't quite have the answer, well I have the answer but don't quite understand. While watching this video I wondered and marveled at all the worlds there are, and how amazing our Father in Heaven is that He could create such a magnificent universe, and what He must have in store for us. I felt excitement looking forward to the time that I will understand, that I will have my full memory back and be able to comprehend these worlds and how many spirits are in them. I also felt myself linger toward that same line of questioning that has stayed with me for several months now, "Why me? Why am I important? Why do You(God) care?"

I feel like I want to yell it out sometimes, WHY?! I want to understand why I am so important to His plan, this plan that is so perfect and so wonderful, why does He care that I make it to the Celestial Kingdom, why does He want me to be taken care of and happy? Why?......Why?

I can't comprehend it, I can't quite grasp that type of understanding, that kind of love and compassion. I do know however, with a deep understanding and assurance that He does in fact love me, that He cares about my having a bad day and needing a lift. He cares that I just spent the most amazing 15 minutes watching my beautiful children play and laugh and love each other. He knows what makes me happy, He knows what makes me sad, He knows where I need to go and what I need to do and who I need to serve, and how to parent my children so that I may make it through this life in success and happiness, and in turn to the Celestial Kingdom where we can all live together, for eternity.

I still can not tell you why, it brings me to tears each time I think of it, because I know He's just smiling and maybe saying, "because I do." Maybe it is the same way we love our children and why our children love us, we just do.

I am grateful for each blessing I am able to receive each and every day. Days are hard sometimes, but there is always an underlying factor that we often forget, that we are loved, needed and important.

I hope you have a testimony of the love of our Savior and our Heavenly Father, it is a comfort that can last a lifetime.

The gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true, it is true. I have a testimony of this and could never deny it. I know that Jesus Christ is at the helm and we can receive inspiration from our Father Heaven and Jesus Christ through the Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. I know our Savior lives, and that He suffered and died for each of us, that we may repent and live again, because He loves us. I know the Prophet Joseph Smith was a true prophet, I know he saw God and Jesus Christ and that he translated The Book of Mormon and that the fullness of the gospel is here again on the earth. We are here to gain a body and experience and be happy. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy"- 2Nephi 2:25

I am truly grateful this sabbath day, to be with my family and to be in our home and enjoy the spirit that lingers with us. I hope you have had an equal experience this day, or sometime very soon. Love you all!

-Keara

Our house yesterday.

We woke up and went swimming at a friends house with a bunch of friends, it was a blast and the children were tired out....my favorite part of summer. wink

After swimming and naps the children ate some yogurt and graham crackers while I quickly cleaned up.

Calvy was not the most pleasant after his nap.

Caleb was just as cute as ever.

Ellie belly was her cute little self, playing games in her chair.

This was our front room after a quick cleaning.

Pandora playing Ingrid Michaelson.

Playroom area.

Bathroom with all the swimming suits and towels from swimming.

The kids room after a quick clean up.

Cloth diapers needing to be stuffed and put away. That green one is dirty.....haha.

Their cute little closet with jackets and shoes.

Bath towels hanging behind their door.

Calvy's rainbow hanging in the hallway.

My cute little vase from Goodwill.

ANd....my bedroom. Looking at this I realized how Mommy's neglect themselves, every other room is clean. Hmmm.

I took these pictures and I was debating whether or not to share them...I didn't want to because of all the healthy talk we've been having. But it was good to see, I can see where we are lacking lately. That is ice-cream, that will most honestly sit there for months until it goes bad, we like ice-cream, but just not a lot. Then there is frozen homemade sugar cookie dough, frozen veggies, meat, lemon popsicles homed and store bought. No more excuses, I now have to go to the grocery store. Bleh. Don't judge me.

Now before you judge, we do eat a lot of veggies and fruit, but I need to shop because we have eaten all of them. But yes, I do have store bought salad dressing and ketchup, whipped cream, Alan refuses to get rid of it, I personally do not like lard in an aerosol bottle.

Alan stopped off at the store a bought a few needed things.

My aprons, one of which my cute Mommy made for me.

Top of my fridge.

Kitchen......see my grocery list. wink

Nixon's gourmet meal, 24/7, 365 days a year. Poor guy. Looking into making my own dog food, anyone have any recipes?

Daddy came home and read stories to the children

While Nixon licked my feet. Gross toe, sorry, it's getting better though!

Caleb did this.

Then, they all played hopscotch on these..

Floor mats from the Cadi, Alan brought them in to vacuum.

Ellie sang the whole time the other jumped around. So Ellie.

And that was a part of yesterday in our home.

Hope you enjoyed!

~Keara

Give back

Blowing raspberries on my arm.

Okay, it seems I need to make a clarification. We were very strict on this diet. Let me just tell you how the last few days have done....

Little Cesar's

Chick-fil-A

Roman Noodles

Ritz Crackers

Chips with Cheese

deli meat

Oreo cookies

Chocolate chip cookies, and others I am sure. What I want you to realize is that I AM HUMAN, so do not think you have to live up to unreachable heights. I also wanted to point out that it was a bit of an emergency situation that I had to go on a sugarless diet. I was very ill and needed a change, so I was very strict and quite miserable for 3 very long months. I think it is good to take sugar out of your diet, or to lessen it. I think if you do it for 2 weeks strictly that your body will go through a detox and you will feel great! It is hard, but extremely worth it, it is a great test and practice to self control.

I am NO dietitian, so please do not follow me blindly, do your own research and see what is best for your body.

On another note, we bought a new car(well new to us) a few weeks back and felt that it was the wrong decision. We prayed for guidance in how to fix it, or what we should do. Yesterday we received a text from the family we bought it from, asking us if we liked the car, Alan told them our predicament and they told us the best news EVER! They have a friend that would like to buy it from us for the exact amount we paid for it. The Lord is amazing, not only did He make it possible for us to fix our mistake, we didn't lose anything and it happened quickly for us, we sell it tomorrow. I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me and knows my wants and desires and cares to help me with them. We are grateful for such a blessing.

My toe is healing up nicely, it feels good to feel normal again, to be able to get up and wash dishes and clean up a bit without having to sit every 5 minutes. It is still pretty sore, but getting much better. I am truly grateful for this blessing as well.

Life is wonderful, it has it's ups and it's downs, but amidst all the crying, the hitting, the mistakes, the dirty laundry, dirty dishes, empty cupboards, and just plain feeling down, we have a Heavenly Father, He cares, He loves us and wants us in this life to be truly happy.

Say your prayers, give thanks and remember the good things at the end of the day, not the bad. And don't forget to do service, I did some odd chores for a friend in her home today, and it made all the difference.

"When Ye Are in the Service

of Your Fellow Beings Ye Are Only in the

Service of Your God" -Mosiah 2:17

After scriptures and bed time Calvy stops me before I close the door, and while half asleep and still facing the wall next to his bed says,

"Mom, means brass?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's brass mean?"

"Its a type of metal, like gold or silver, or ......metal.(haha, I'm very intelligent) Nephi wrote on the plates of brass and Joseph Smith translated them into The Book of Mormon."

3 mintues later

Ellie comes out of her bed(not unusual), I put her back in and before I can leave the room she says...

"Mom, I have a question wait."

"What is it Ellie?"

"What means light?"

Moral: kids really do listen and think, and they also like to find many ways to not have to go to bed. ;0)

Nite!

-Keara

Isms and weight loss

Calvy's crazy skills.

Look Mom! I'm eating a yellow watermelon!

Yes, he is the cutest...in case you were wondering.

Calvy giving his very first talk, he did awesome! He hiccuped through the WHOLE thing, it was so cute. I almost video taped it, but felt weird enough taking pictures with my phone. wink
Good 'ol family. They were beat after a hot day and then watching our crazy three, we were all ready for a nap in Nauvoo.

Calvy practicing his photography skills.

My cutie girl with her new outfit she got at our girls day out.

This little chick helped herself to the watermelon on the counter....I hadn't cut it yet. She ate every last drop, that was our dinner.

While cleaning up some make-up off of my trash can lid in my bedroom, that Ellie had split...I'm not even going to tell you how many days previous, Calvy came over and asked what I was doing...

"Why did she do that?

Maybe she was trying to make, Trash Can Make-up Pie. That's gross. Why would she do that?"

I couldn't help it, in the moment this was so funny, and it didn't help that I was already trying really hard just to scrub it off, him saying this while I was working hard threw me over the edge, I fell to the floor laughing. This kid, I tell ya he's gonna be famous someday.

Ellie brought me a big wad of flowers, bows and magnets and said "here". I asked her why she was playing with them and told her she knew she wasn't supposed to be playing with them. She said, "I made them pretty for you, so you could have them." What the heck do you say to that kind of explanation from a cute 2.5 year old? I said, "Thank you baby, that was so nice." Hmmmm, think I failed?

Honestly life is fun right now, Caleb is starting to think about walking, he stands all by himself and laughs when we see him, and then falls. It's hard at times too, Ellie and Caleb both have thrush, which is NO fun. I have a slight case myself, but not in my mouth....I'm still nursing, and that is as far as the hints will go. I thought again about weening him, but I can't get myself to do it, I have never had such a hard time with breastfeeding, and yet I can't seem to want to get rid of it. Anywho back to thrush, we went to the Dr. to confirm it is infect thrush and she gave us an RX for an anti-fungal. We are doing doTERRA Essential Oils right now to try and get rid f it and they seem to be working, so I don't think we'll need that RX. I will be doing a Candida Cleanse and I'm pretty excited about it. I am thankful for great friend who jump at the chance to help you. We are so blessed with SO many good friends, I will miss this time of our lives.

Before

After(I realize this is a bad after picture, but I honestly couldn't find anything else)

Before

After (in a size 2 jean that were even a little big) Sad story, by upper half of my WOMANLY body was the first thing to go, had to buy a new bra. ;0(

I am going to post about my weightless, only because my cute sister told me I should. I told her that I hadn't said anything because I didn't want people to think that I was bragging or anything. I am really grateful for how healthy look and feel and I attribute it to GREAT NUCCA Chiropractic care and my healthy lifestyle. Since my NO sugar diet we are very conscious about what we put into our bodies. We eat very little processed food, mostly fresh veggies and fruit. We have also cut down on our meat, and when we do we eat fresh from the butcher organic meat(when we can find all organic) usually chicken or turkey, very little red meat if any. We try to eat meat only twice a week, some weeks are better than others. It's actually fun, like a game to see how many meals or days I can go without eating meat. Once we started thinking about it we realized that we used to eat meat with almost every meal. If we were to go back to that I think I would puke. We drink water and very little juice or soda, if we do have soda it's usually carbonated fruit juice, like Izze's. So we have very little sugar in our diet, we substitute with Agave and Stevia. We eat plain Greek yogurt flavored with stevia and pineapple juice, and the kids LOVE it, I do too. All in all it is not a diet to lose weight, we just wanted to be healthier and weight loss was a side-effect. We feel great and free, honestly. We still eat the fun stuff sometimes, but not very often, we are not perfect and we aren't Nazzi's about it, but it is important to us so we try hard. Just to prove that we are not perfect...I had a few bites of chocolate ice-cream last night and few swigs of chocolate milk, and I hate to admit it but I did have a handful of Ranch style dorritos and ham on my sandwich today, so we aren't perfect. I realize this may say dumb, like it's not really cheating, but I'm telling you once you are off that sugar for even a week your body changes, you don't want it so much any more, which is good because sugar is one of the most toxic food additives it really is not good for your body. When I cut sugar out, after a week I was dying to have chic fil-a and went out and got some nuggets. They were SO gross I can't even tell you, I couldn't taste anything but the sugar, it actually burned my throat. I'm telling you sugar is in everything, because it's addicting, so it makes everything taste better, just look at your labels, I'll bet you find it in the ingredients, and if it's one of the first ingredients I wouldn't eat it.

WOW, I so just got into a lesson, sorry. Long story short, we are healthier than ever and look better than ever too. Alan has lost close to 20lbs and I am down to a size 2, haven't been a size 2 since my freshman year of HS. It feels really good, I hope you try it out. I'll try get a picture up, I am always behind the camera so I'll have Alan take over and get a few.

Try it for a week, you will NOT regret it. I won't lie, it is hard, but so worth it.

Don't eat:

-white anything, rice, flour, potatoes

-sugar, in any form

-too much fruit, like one a day

-too many carbs, like 2-3x's a week

Eat:

-Lots of fresh veggies cooked or raw

-water

-plain greek yogurt

-protien

-Brown rice

-Wheat bread/flour unbleached flour

READ LABELS!

Just for a week, try it. And download this to help encourage you and your kiddies. wink

"healthy natural food all day" You'll be singing it too.

-Keara