Love from Above

smile, it's funny

So I have been busy being a mommy.  I have made a goal to work harder at being a mommy, not just birthing babies and feeding them and cleaning up after them and such, but really being a mommy to them.  That means, no more Facebook, no more blog surfing, Netflix(while kids are awake) and definitely no more Pinterest....for hours at a time.  I had been thinking about it for a while that I needed to simplify, de-gunk, if you will.  The first thought cam e to me as my children were asking e for things and I kept telling them to wait, because I was on FB searching pictures and checking to see what everyone else was doing. It came to me then that maybe it's time to make a break for it.  I deleted my Facebook account.  I was nervous at first, I mean how am I going to know what is going on?  How am I going to notify others of my recent goings on, or parties or fabulous photoshoots?  How will I advertise myself????  Then I talked to a friend and it came up in conversation that she was no longer on FB, that solidified it for me, all her reasons were the same as mine, for quitting.  So I did it.  Do I regret it?  No, no I don't.(Phineaus and Ferb pun....anyone, anyone?)  Surprisingly I do not miss it like I thought I would.  Sometimes when I go to check my email and I have ZERO emails it's a little sad, but I just do something else.  It has been a blessing, I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to do, being a mother, a nurturer.  I have noticed a difference in my children too.  We are happier, they feel like they can count on me.  We okay together and I listen more.  Listening is a big thing for me.  I am big on the "uh huh, ya.  Ok honey.  Just a minute"  Now I take a second, because that is all it usually takes, and I answer their question, or look at their picture or help them get the tape done from the counter.  It is liberating.  I am not saying that it has been easy, I do feel very tired at the end of the day, but a good tired, and tired where I know I have accomplished something that day.  I also want to point out that everyday hasn't been roses.  Alan has been gone since early Wednesday morning, I found out I have to have surgery on my toe again(which takes 4 to 7 weeks to heal), we are supposed to move in four weeks, we do not have a place to live and my house is no where ready to be packed and moved.  This all makes my anxiety shoot through the roof, which in turn gives me gas and frequent bathroom trips, so I don't have any friends that want to be near me....Just kidding, Thanks Becky for putting up with me and me bum all night. winkwink


So life is not always roses, it is still beautiful, even if it doesn't smell like roses.  (heheh, sorry)
Anyway!  I am grateful for this past weekend, Conference was AMZING!  I love Conference.  For all y'all who do not watch Saturday session, stop it!  Saturday sessions are my favorite, they always seem to be so amazing and speak to me directly.  And for all y'all who have no idea what I am talking about, go here.  It is amazing the love I feel from my Father in Heaven, I still wonder, "Why me?  Why do I count?"  but I wonder with a different wonder, the wonder that I am known and that I count.  That love that comes from above is becoming more real to me, almost tangible.  I can feel there is a purpose for me, that there is a plan and it is perfect and if I try my hardest I can reach that, seemingly unreachable goal to happiness, even eternal happiness.  There is a bigger  purpose behind all the poopy diapers, the late nights, the sickness, loneliness, the floors that never stay clean, laundry which is never done, husbands who can't remember to take out the trash, the sadness and hurt.  I struggle with the pain and hurt, health problems seem to be my challenge in this life.  It seems every time I turn around I have another issue to deal with, it's kid of a dark a dreary place for me when I fid out I have another issue needing to be tended to.  It took a good friend to help me realize, that though I keep getting sick, I do have a some very great times between the sickness.  I get a good break in there where I am truly happy, I feel God's love and I have plenty of energy!  Something I longed for, for some time and I am truly grateful for.  I am grateful for these trials, truly I am, some days I have to repeat that several times to remember, but they are a blessing.  I am able to rely on the Lord, I am able to sit back,  reflect and realign myself and my will with His.  It is a process, with ups and downs, sometimes so far down I need a little help back up, but that is what the Atonement is for.  I am truly grateful for the Gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have a testimony that it is true.  Life can be beautiful if we let it, if we don't get caught up in the day to day, the habits like TV and movies and internet.  If we sit back and look at where we spend most of our time, and it is not the Gospel or family, we may need to reassess our priorities.  Life can be amazing, but it is up to us, we have to make that decision.  


My kids have been saying the funniest things lately, and I have totally been that mom that thinks"that is so funny, that would be the perfect post...but where is a piece of paper, eh I'll remember"  Nope, never works.  Ellie likes to have her towel wrapped around her body "like a mommy" when she gets out of the tub.  She is a little obsessed with becoming a woman, which is scary to me because I  know I did these same things to my parents.  We went trick-or-treating at Alan's school and for her costume I put some make-up on her, mascara, blush lipgloss and such.  One of the people handing out candy asked if she could put her super hero mask on, as he was lowering it onto her eyes.  Her response, "No!  It will ruin my make-up."  She is very girly and can't wait to get "mommy boobies".  She pinched her pings(baby nipples) before getting out of the bath this morning...not sure why, maybe in hopes it will help them look bigger.  She likes the play the game, "I wanna be that girl"  while watching a movie or reading a story, it's usually the ones that have breasts.  Needless to say we will probably not own any Barbies, we'll stick with little people.  
Calvy, this boy is a regular smarty pants.  He is blowing through all the homeschool books, so far I have taught him nothing in math that he didn't already know.  He loves writing and math, but doesn't love reading, he always picks to do that last, but he is doing well.  He loves to play games, but I don't always love playing them with him, because that requires a whole lot of patience, because I have to teach him how to do it, and re-teach, it's very exhausting.  He is growing up, like wanting to dress in his closet and drawing scary pictures, but he still likes to tell me he loves me, and give me big mommy hugs.  I need to remind myself to soak it up, because it won't be long till he won't want to.  
Caleb our baby.  He is SO cute, I just want to eat him alive.  I just stopped nursing him, I think it is safe to say I quit, although sometimes I get a hankering for some good 'ol mommy Caleb time.  I just love nursing, it creates such a special bond and feeling of love.  I have just had too many things going on where I have to stop nursing for a few days because of MRI's and surgery and stuff, so we're done.  I am doing well, no engorgement or anything, though it would be nice. wink
He loves to dance and sing.  He is trying to talk and so far his first word is "nope"  while I am change his diaper usually.  He also says "what is that?"  Just like Calvy, it sounds different than Calvy, but he still says that same phrase.  
Children are beautiful, I am excited to have another...when the time is right.  


So friends, until next time.  Keep your spirits high and your aspirations higher.  Life is good.

-Keara