Conversations

It is no secret that I love Nie Nie, and I read her blog quite often. There is something new out there that Alan and I are really into, it's call Conversations on the Mormon Channel. There is a conversation with Stephanie and her Husband Christian, and it has inspired this post.

she said that she gets frustrated with mothers sometimes and wishes she could just shake them to help them realize all that they have. I think I would probably be one of those moms that she would like to shake, so I want to change that.

I have been pretty complainy about my life lately, Alan and I lead pretty busy lives right now. I have a demanding calling at times and Alan now has patients in the clinic that take time and a lot of effort, and it's tough. My biggest complaint has been my children, that they don't allow me to get things done, or that they make things hard, but what I miss the most is my time with my Alan and I think I may have been taking it out on my sweet, little beautiful precious babies. I just want to take a minute to tell you about my amazing children. I will start with Ellie today, she is a ball of energy and with that comes a LOT of chaos, but a lot of hugs and kisses. I love doing the dishes and having her run up and slam her whole body into the back of my legs, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that any more. She is also very sweet and very tender and just wants a whole lot of love and attention.

Caleb is just a little love ball, he smiles and laughs and looks for me all day. Tonight after I nursed him, while they others were in bed, we just lay on my bed in the dim light and looked a each other, he would lean in and suck on my nose or my shoulder. I couldn't get over how much he just loved me, that he truly just loves me, he doesn't care what I looked like or smelt like or how clean my bedroom was(or was not) he just loved me, for me.

Calvin, what can you say about sweet Calvin. He is incapable of hating, it is not in his nature to hold a grudge or to stay mad or to even be mean. He loves everyone and he shows that. Today he came up to me and lay his head on my shoulder and told me he loved me.

I was hit with a realization today, that my children just want me, they don't want the me that has a perfect house or perfect children or this amazing sense of style or class, or who is just like "the person down the street who has perfect everything," they just want me and that's not only enough, that is perfect.

Nie Nie said something in her conversation about just being you and not competing with your SIL and neighbors, and to just be happy with who you are, to love you, imperfections and all. So here is my goal, my New Years Resolution, to love me. I want to go to bed every night and be able to say that I truly love myself, an dI mean really love myself, being able to see my imperfections and accept myself with all of them, and a way I decided might help is to point out two things each day, one thing that I did that I loved and one that I didn't and at the end of it be ok with both.

So...

Love: Threw a baby shower for a good friend.

Didn't: That I beat myself up for not being as good as someone else.

I hope you take a moment (or an hour) and listen to her conversation, or any of the others, we are working our way down the list. They are always inspiring and leave me a better person than when I started. I am grateful for a good husband who suggested listening to a conversation rather than watching a movie tonight, I love you Alan.

I sincerely hope you have a good day or a good night, and that you remember who you are and all who love you, the real you.

-Keara

P.S. just some pics of some of the centerpieces I did for a R.S. Function.

(Love my Calvy)